He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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