Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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