New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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