highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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