Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
