we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
