No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
