I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Everything about him screamed your future.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
