stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
