Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize