pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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