Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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