Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
