I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
