I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
