I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
