People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
