it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
