names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
