You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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