i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
