thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
