I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
