Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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