Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
organizing the empties. That sober.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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