i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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