Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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