I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
not ubering you a puppy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
