i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
