South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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