he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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