At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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