I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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