it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
vagina is talking i cant
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
