i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
