Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
