sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
