Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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