Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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