the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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