I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
