Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
