my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
