I want to make a zoo with you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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