I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
