I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
