I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
