a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
