how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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