literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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