we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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