god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
