3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize