drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
