so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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