I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
