Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
