I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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