4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
