I think i peed on brittanys purse
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
