Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
