Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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