sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
