Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
