There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
