I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
