I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
