So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
