We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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