I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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