of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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