that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
