remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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