that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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