She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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