I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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