I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize