I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
