and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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