You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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