call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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