their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
