cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
