elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
