i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
