Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize