I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
