"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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