Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He felt like a one man threesome
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
