his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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