she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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