3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
