ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
