The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hippo gnu deer
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
