Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
