PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
