Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
