Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize