So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
