I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
