I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
