i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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