I think my fart just growled at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
